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Whites Calling Blacks by First Names |
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I act ugly when White people call me by my first name without my permission. My immediate ‘old school’ thought is: “How dare you be so disrespectful!
If this is your superficial way of trying to fool me into believing that you are my friend, then be clear that this is not your decision to make. I will decide if I want you as my friend—and that has to be earned.” Since such ethnocentric arrogance by Whites would not be shown to the king or queen of some country and since kings and queens are no better than me, I deserve to be similarly esteemed by my title and last name. What I actually say is: “as a way of starting off on an agreeable common ground, let us respect each other by you calling me by my last name and with me calling you by your last name.” When White people are filling out a form and ask me my first name I say: “I prefer not to give it.” If they insist that it is essential, I give them my initial. If they still insist on having my first name, I say: “my first name is Doctor” or “Bailey” (while adding my full name is “Bailey Bailey”). Some documents are too important for me to not give my first name. Thus I give it but, in the same breath, asking them to not call me by my first name (and they comply with my request without obvious hostile feelings). If, from seeing my credit card, they use my first name, I simply refuse to do business with them thereafter--and tell them so. Where giving my first name is absolutely required and when faced with mean Whites (those likely to be asocial, sadistic, evil, or psychopathic–and there are very high numbers of them in the USA), I give it and keep quiet because of the sabotage power they have. After all, “Discretion is the better part of valor.”
Employees in my orthopaedic surgical practice were instructed to use titles and last names for every patient. They were to avoid even asking Black people if it was okay to call them by their first name because this puts the patient at an immediate disadvantage. If the patient says “no” this may cause the patient to have the afterthought of possibly being sabotaged by that staff member. The ill-mannered caste custom of White people calling Black people by their first name began in slavery when first names (given by the captors to replace each Slave’s highly esteemed African name) were all they had. The reason is that since Slaves were property, they lacked the personal identity that would demand a last name. Yet, it was a major taboo for a Black person to call White people by their first name. The thinking of Whites behind both caste practices was that Black people never grew old enough or achieved enough to slough off their designated inferior role. Hence, by the Slaves calling Whites by a title was a constant admission of Slave inferiority. By contrast, Whites’ need to feel superior was propped up each time they called Slaves by their first name. Similar to my relationships with my friends (including my White friends), the reciprocal use of first names between two White people has been and remains a mark of intimacy. In African Tradition young people willingly used titles to indicate their deference to older people and not to do so is highly disrespectful.
I remember as a boy when Whites instructed other Whites to never refer to a Black man or woman as “Mr.” or “Mrs.” This began to break when businesses found it was financially beneficial to give “Mr.” or “Mrs.” and titles to their leading Black customers. For the rest of Blacks--including the most mature ones from the standpoint of personal and/or social achievement--Whites used such appellations as “preacher”; “uncle”; “elder”; “aunty”; “sister”; “gal” (which is the term many White physicians still refer to Black women of any age); “Buck”; and “George.” These hateful appellations dismissed Blacks as dignified human beings and symbolically relegated them to the foolish role of a plantation stereotype created out of the captives’ deranged minds—and I resent the implication--and do most Black people! |
